Despite being a bona fide inventor Wolfgang Von Kempelen was also one of the world’s greatest hoaxers. His master illusion was ‘The Turk’, a large wooden contraption with gears and arms that Von Kempelen claimed to be a fantastic chess automaton. He travelled the globe with his invention, beating hundreds of human chess players who attempted to defeat the supposed mechanical marvel. Even Edgar Allan Poe lost a game but he presciently wrote of his experience in an essay, propounding the theory that there was a man enclosed within the machine. He was of course correct.
Blackpool’s VON KEMPELIN (note the ‘i’) may or may not be name-checking Wolfgang with their own band moniker. They undoubtedly have more in common with Poe, the writer/poet of Gothic horror, as illustrated by the song titles on their ‘Grey Lady’ EP: ‘Green Faced Ghost’, ‘Lair of The White Serpent’ and ‘Demon Green’. Their 2004 demo carried the child-friendly tag of ‘A Plague Upon Living Creed’.
Unsurprisingly VON KEMPELIN specialise in Heavy Metal and have been – if you’ll pardon the expression - putting the willies up people with their gore-splattered, monster-strewn and horror-stricken brand of metal for just over a year. According to their press release VON KEMPELIN have already “replaced two of its members”. I can’t bring myself to imagine the method of their ‘replacement’.
There’s really only one key issue with this group and that is the voice of their lead singer, John Spencer. I use the term ‘singer’ under advisement as the noise that spills from his mouth bears little resemblance to actual singing. It’s hard to describe the guttural sound that John regurgitates but imagine The League of Gentlemen’s Papa Lazarou (“Hello Dave!”) gargling with Deep Heat while reciting lyrics with lines such as “For I have seen her truly / A walking decayed corpse / A beast that sucks on spirits / And drains off their life force” (Grey Lady), and “I stand here watching waiting from the other side / Of a lonely cemetery almost 9 miles wide” (Green Faced Ghost).
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Musically I can hear Slayer, Judas Priest and Napalm Death. It’s all efficiently executed and there’s a strong sense that to fully appreciate the pantomime spectacle of VON KEMPELIN in full swing you should hot trot it down to Blackpool or whatever local crypt the band are performing in next.
Apparently the track ‘How Can It Be?’ off this EP reached No. 9 on the Amazon.com Indie Download Chart which can only mean one of three things:
1. VON KEMPELIN have put a hex on the Internet
2. VON KEMPELIN have a shed-load of mates with access to the Internet
3. VON KEMPELIN really are that popular with people (living, dead and undead) who have access to the Internet
If it’s number three then that’s pretty good going for a band who to date have only notched up gigs in Hull and Chorley! Mind you I’ve just had a thought: could it be Hull that is the “lonely cemetery almost 9 miles wide”?
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