When I was younger, I always used to get a bit upset - still do, to a certain extent, today - when people said that being nice was a criticism. What's wrong with being nice, I would think? "Nice" was a perfectly acceptable compliment. Well, having listened to The Safires' "Epic In The Ordinary", I have to say I'm starting to understand what all those nice-naysayers were getting at. But let's back up a little first.
The Safires come billed as a mix of "folk vocals", "drum 'n' bass", "chill out" and "beatboxing". Sounds a relatively intriguing mixture, but that's not the most interesting part. No, for hidden amongst the PR mumblings is a testimony from the critically-acclaimed artist Nitin Sawhney, who gushes "The Safires for me represent balance. The stunning blend of Bex's wistful vocals with the raw hard edge of Kirk's searingly powerful tones forges a melting pot of sonic bliss. A cool backdrop of cutting edge riffs and beats sets the scene. Perfect for all seasons." Not bad. Indeed, for an unsigned band with fewer than 11,000 visits on their MySpace, a band that basically doesn't exist on Last.fm - a generally reliable guide to the music world in its many different flavours -, the seal of approval from Sawhney is massive.
And moreover, the opening few minutes are relatively promising. "Stray Dogs" is airy and upbeat, a classical-sounding guitar hitched to an itchy beat and sweet-tasting melodies. Same goes for "Honey Tear", which seems to take the exact same initial formula (plucked acoustic guitar, itchy beats, cooed new-age-esque vocals) but fortunately shows a little bit of ambition around the minute mark as the gliding vocals reach for a bit more than simply "pleasant". But by track four ("7even"), and the same plucked acoustic guitar, the same gentle voices, the same crisp electronic beat, I felt my attention ineluctably slipping away like grains of sand through a clenched fist. And track four has beatboxing! Human beatboxing no less! Even my most favourite of favourite human body noises can't haul this one up any higher than "meh" on the interest scale. Chillout is meant to be - duh! - relaxing. But even a chillout CD should still put out enough for you to remember that it's fucking on. Even a few attempts at variety (a bit of brass on "Daisy Chains", the gently rippling strings on "Simple", a piano accordian on "Hunting") feel mutedly half-hearted.
The only real change in tempo comes on "Little Annie", and by this time eight tracks have already drifted by. It made me look up simply because it reminded me that the CD was still playing. The five-four beat throws you off balance, the soft female backing vocals are charming and the additional male vocals from Kirk McElhinney are a welcome breath of fresh air. It's all just a little bit late though. "Hunting" struggles to shake off the pastel coloured lounge wear in which the album is bedecked, but the slightly edgier electric guitar and diva-esque vocals nevertheless hint at how a potential marriage of chilled beats and that all important drive could have been arranged.
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It all boils down to the same issue I have with Zero 7: there's not enough going on to make it a rewarding listen. I'm not asking for every CD that passes through my player to give me a forty-minute screaming eargasm, or to have my neural cortex blown by the sheer adrenaline and energy coursing through the speakers, but the least I expect is that by the time it's run through its second or third try, I will have been touched in some way by the tracks. Christ, the bare minimum is that I remember some of them. This CD has been in and out of every hi-fi in the house, and I still can't elaborate any further than my initial reactions: it's pleasant, the ultimate in easy-listening maybe, but only because it demands absolutely nothing from you. It barely asks for your attention most of the time. I can count only a couple of occasions (elaborated on above) when I looked up and wondered what the name of a particular track was. Otherwise it all slips by harmlessly, discretly, even - dare I say it - ordinarily. It's nice, but just as giving a girl such a compliment is more likely to offend than to please, there's got to be more than that.
I have no idea where the "cutting edge riffs" are that Sawhney saw in The Safires' music, but he was about right on one thing. "Epic In The Ordinary" is, I accept, perfect for all seasons, but only like beige or grey is perfect for all seasons. Like the colours you wear to help accentuate the other items of the ensemble, "Epic In The Ordinary" is unobtrusive and undemanding, like a pair of comfortable grey tracksuit bottoms. They won't win you many admirers though.
The Safires on MySpace
The Safires on Bandcamp
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